Surat Untuk Mak

Mak,

Hayat hubungan fizikal kita hanya lebih sedikit dari setengah dekad

Satu tempoh yang begitu singkat untuk kakak yang kebolehan mengingat belum berkembang

Memori kakak umpama tompokan titis air atas surat khabar yang kuning helaiannya

Mak,

Kakak sentiasa tahu kematian itu adalah yang terbaik untuk Mak

Sepanjang kakak hidup dengan Mak, senyuman Mak tidak pernah kakak lihat

Hidup Mak sangat susah, sakit dan sedih

Mungkin sabar Mak setinggi gunung

Atau semangat Mak seleper tanah rata

Kakak pun tidak tahu yang mana satu

Ingatan kakak terlampau sedikit untuk menjadi hakim yang adil

Mak

Sepanjang peninggalan Mak, kakak cuba terus hidup

Mak tinggalkan anak sulung Mak dan anak kecil Mak pada kakak

Untuk kakak pastikan terus hidup dan tidak dalam penganiyaan sehingga mereka mampu berdikari

Jadi Mak,

Begitu lah hidup kakak. Sama susah, sedih dan sakit seperti Mak.

Kakak tiada telinga yang sudi mendengar, bahu yang sudi menerima rebahan, atau tangan yang ikhlas memeluk

Kakak tiada apa-apa

Kakak cuma ada intuisi yang mendesak kakak untuk terus hidup

Lalu, teruslah kakak hidup hingga ke hari ini

Mak

Bukan sekali kakak ingin mati

Supaya berakhirlah gelodak jiwa, secepat berakhirnya derita mak

Namun, sehingga itu, kakak akan terus melangkah agar mati kakak bukan menghadirkan susah kepada sesiapa.

Mak,

Kakak mungkin ke neraka. Jika nanti Mak diberi peluang berjumpa anak-anak Mak, jangan lupakan kakak.

Seorang anak yang cuba mengambil peranan Mak

Someone Named Harry II

I once fell head over heels for someone named Harry

A being I felt so magical that my cornea turned rose-tinted

He swoon me with words I long to hear

I was beautiful, pretty, mesmerizing, with sparkling eyes.

It was easy to fall in love with him, but it takes courage to consistently be loving towards this Harry

We circled around the sun for five times and a little more together

A story of pauses and returns, much like the beach and the tide

I am the beach and he the tide

I am still, always steady in my love for him

He, easily influenced by the moon

Us, a constant cruel push and pull dynamic

Which render me eroded

In my stillness then I began pondering

Is this really Harry?

The same magical Harry? Or is he now someone else?

Could he be captured by life every now and then and returned to me as an aloof, disengaging man?

This sixth journey around the sun doesn't bring me joy anymore

My heart doesn't call out to him as loud

It keeps whispering, this is not Harry

Life has killed Harry, this one is not Harry

The whispers are getting stronger each time the moon pulls him away

Leave! Leave! Leave!

Leave, I have yet to decide

Battered By Death II

I saw a girl by the old spooky well

Wiping tears which she made small

Death took her sickly mother away

And taught her to be small her whole life onwards

I saw a lady weeping by the moonlight

The man she loved whole-heartedly was snatched from her

By death, in the most gruesome way

And her tears never stopped coming ever since

I saw a woman screamed in pain

Hugging a cold body she loved enormously

Death was sent as a relief to her father figure

A figure who was always by her side, a rejected lonely child

She accepted death's unbearable decision  with screams that never quiet

I saw a person

I saw myself

A lady 

A child

Battered by death, physical death that render her lifeless

Battered By Death

I see a man battered by death,

Slumping on a grey sofa,

With head bowed to defeat,

His eyes cries his loss.

Death took away his wife first,

Perhaps, the person he most need forgiving from,

His cries for her were shouts,

For he knew how much he had wronged her.

Death then took his parents away,

One, then the other, after bouts of illness,

He was the first for them, the one who lived together through hardness 

He cries mostly in sobs for Mak and Pak

Death knows no rest,

It came for a sister he dots,

Further wrenching his already wounded heart,

He cried still albeit brief this time.

I wish death would spare him more loss,

For he is at the age where death could pay him a personal visit,

Alas, death continues to hit him where it hurts

Slashing him more severely, mercilessly.

Death took away half his soul,

A brother who had been with him in every struggle,

A best of friend who knew him inside and out,

A voice who soothes, reasons, and sometimes reprimand his temperament.

I see a man battered by death

Pitiful,

Sad,

Oh how cruel death handled him.

I Wish You Were Here

I wish you were here, dear

I wish you were near
I wish we both sit close together
On a beach, shoulder to shoulder
As the sunset draws near

I wish you were here, dear
I wish you were near
Then, the unsaid goodbye would never happened
Tangles will unraveled
Dark clouds will finally cleared

I wish you were here, dear
I wish you were near
I wish I knew no astronomy when stars appear
For your absence dims the light I once held dear
I ache for echoes of a love so tender

I wish you were here, dear
Now, today, forever

I wish you were near

Secluded Haven

I will arise and go now, and go to that secluded haven

A small abode awaits me, of wood and glasses made

Trees bearing fruits will i have there, rows of flowers in the garden

And alone shall i dwell amongst the starlings' serenade

For I shall have peace there, an unhurried, lingering serenity

From when the rooster crows, to where the cricket sings

There, twinkles adorn the night, noon a time of whimsicality

And evening full of the swallows' wings

I will arise and go now, for always night and day

I hear the sea ebbs and flows, greeting its shore

While I stand on the terrace, or on the pavement grey

I hear it in my deepest core

Lelah

 Pagi adalah waktu yang sering mengelirukan aku

Waktu diri aku terbelah dua

Kanan ku adalah hamba tuhan yang bersyukur diberi peluang bernafas untuk aku menikmati sisa-sisa hidup dengan warna warni

Kiri ku pula adalah makhluk yang tak kenang budi - mengeluh mengapalah aku hidup lagi?

Aku sebenarnya lelah!

Lelah dengan kesunyian jiwa.

Aku dahaga kasih sayang sejak aku berhingus

Dahaga ini entah bila mahu terubat

Lelah aku ke sana ke sini mencari kasih tapi hampa

Dalam lelah ini aku jadi marah pada tuhan

Sampai bila aku perlu diuji begini?

Aku sampai rela mati!

Adakah aku perlu mati?

Aku sedar, kamu yang membaca ini harus mengeleng kepala

Namun, ini lah perasaan aku hari ini.

Aku lelah!

Aku mahu menjerit YA TUHAN! AKU LELAH!