Friday, June 26, 2026

Awan Kata-Kata

Semalam kau marah sekali

Seperti biasa, setiap kali darah mu naik ke kepala maka kata-kata mu menebal seperti awan saat hari mahu hujan

Berat, gelap, penuh halilintar


Aku biasa dengan awan kata-kata sebegitu

Ayah ku juga begitu

Setiap marahnya membawa ribut ke seisi rumah

Tapi meski biasa, hatiku masih menangis


Meski biasa

Kebal yang aku sangka,  hanya tingkah, bukan rasa

Tubuh aku mula sejuk, mata mula menangis

Awan katamu menjerut hatiku


Kau sebut benci dan jengkel 

Kau kata aku punahkan percaya, aku seperti maling

Aduh! Sampai hati!

Makin aku ingat, makin lebat hujan ini


Mengapa tidak mampu kau lembutkan katamu?

Bukankah sayang itu hadir bersamanya kelembutan?

Atau sayangmu jua seperti hujan tidak jadi?

Atau aku memang selayaknya dimarahi begitu?


Awan kata-kata mu penuh halilintar

dan aku sudah terbakar

Saturday, June 20, 2026

Nama Yang Ku Kirim Ke Mekah

Jika ada yang bertanya kepada mu
Apa benar aku mencintai kamu
Maka sewajibnya kamu jawab 
Iya! Benar sekali!

Jika ada yang menjuihkan bibirnya sambil berkata
Apa buktinya?
Maka harus kau pekik kepada mereka
Dia menghantar namaku ke Mekah

Ya!
Aku telah menghantar namamu ke Mekah
Aku kirimkan dalam lipatan doa 
Yang dilafazkan sahabat-sahabatku di Jabal Rahmah

Sebegitu aku mencintai kamu
Meski aku tahu bahawa kamu sendiri ragu akan cintamu pada aku

Hiba sekali hati ini
Bila makbulnya doa itu bukan seperti yang aku tuliskan 
Tuhan memberitahu alam agar mencurahkan banjir di hati kita
Supaya cair pekat nafsu asmara

Jika sesekali kamu tertanya adakah benar aku mencintai kamu
Maka aku ingin sekali menyatakan sambil ku usap pipi mu
Ya! Aku benar mencintai kamu
Hingga ku bawa namamu dalam doa ku.

Friday, June 19, 2026

A Grumpy Old Singh

 There's a grumpy old Singh who lives in the city

In a double storey house next to a playground

Where tired shoplots look up to gleaming buildings

and the roads choke on traffic


This grumpy old Singh is a delicate being

"You cannot do this, you cannot do that"

"You should do this, you should do that"

And somehow

"I cannot do this, I cannot do that"


O grumpy old Singh!

I wonder why you are so grumpy

Have you had your roti?

 Or was the masala too hot today?

Ah! I see! 

Work is pricking your sole again, isn't it?


Dear grumpy old Singh

Don't you find it funny? 

When one who hates being controlled 

Ends up sounding controlling?

Oh I forgot! 

Mirrors always show your own reflection

Monday, May 25, 2026

Pick Me! Choose Me!

Pick me! Choose me!
Pleads Meredith with tearful eyes
A scene I watched and felt enormous shame
For I was Meredith and in many ways is still Meredith
Pick me! Choose me!
I scream a voiceless plea
To everyone who should listen but apparently deaf
The small me never really grow up
The big me turns small at every single neglect
Pick me! Choose me!
I am good, I am pleasing, I am self-sacrifying
I abandon myself at your whim, I just don't matter over you
So,
Pick me! Choose me!
Save me from this state of prolong aloneness
I just need a drop of love, of care, of attention
I'll repay you with the whole world
Please, oh please I beg of you
Pick me! Choose me!

Wednesday, May 6, 2026

Surat Untuk Mak

Mak,
Hayat hubungan fizikal kita hanya lebih sedikit dari setengah dekad
Satu tempoh yang begitu singkat untuk kakak yang kebolehan mengingat ibarat ros jepun di waktu pagi
Memori kakak umpama tompokan titis air atas surat khabar yang kuning helaiannya
Mak,
Kakak sentiasa tahu kematian itu adalah yang terbaik untuk Mak
Sepanjang kakak hidup dengan Mak, senyuman Mak tidak pernah kakak lihat
Hidup Mak sangat susah, sakit dan sedih
Kakak tidak pernah pasti antara dua kemungkinan ini
Adakah sabar Mak setinggi gunung
Atau semangat Mak seleper tanah rata
Ingatan kakak terlampau sedikit untuk menjadi hakim yang adil
Mak
Sepanjang peninggalan Mak, kakak cuba terus hidup
Mak tinggalkan anak sulung Mak dan anak kecil Mak pada kakak
Untuk kakak pastikan terus hidup dan tidak dalam penganiyaan sehingga mereka mampu berdikari
Jadi Mak,
Begitu lah hidup kakak. Sama susah, sedih dan sakit seperti Mak.
Kakak tiada telinga yang sudi mendengar, bahu yang sudi menerima rebahan, atau tangan yang ikhlas memeluk
Kakak tiada apa-apa
Kakak cuma ada intuisi yang mendesak kakak untuk terus hidup
Lalu, teruslah kakak hidup hingga ke hari ini
Mak
Bukan sekali kakak ingin mati
Supaya berakhirlah gelodak jiwa, secepat berakhirnya derita mak
Namun, sehingga itu, kakak akan terus melangkah agar mati kakak bukan menghadirkan susah kepada sesiapa.
Mak,
Kakak mungkin ke neraka. Jika nanti Mak diberi peluang berjumpa anak-anak Mak, jangan lupakan kakak.
Seorang anak yang cuba mengambil peranan Mak

Tuesday, March 10, 2026

Someone Named Harry II

I once fell head over heels for someone named Harry

A being I felt so magical that my cornea turned rose-tinted

He swoon me with words I long to hear

I was beautiful, pretty, mesmerizing, with sparkling eyes.


It was easy to fall in love with him, but it takes courage to consistently be loving towards this Harry

We circled around the sun for five times and a little more together

A story of pauses and returns, much like the beach and the tide

I am the beach and he the tide


I am still, always steady in my love for him

He, easily influenced by the moon

Us, a constant cruel push and pull dynamic

Which render me eroded


In my stillness then I began to ponder

Is this really Harry?

The same magical Harry? Or is he now someone else?

Could he be captured by life every now and then and returned to me as an aloof, disengaging man?


This sixth journey around the sun doesn't bring me joy anymore

My heart doesn't call out to him as loud

It keeps whispering, this is not Harry

Life has killed Harry, this one is not Harry


The whispers are getting stronger each time the moon pulls him away

Leave! Leave! Leave!

Leave, I have yet to decide




Sunday, February 22, 2026

Battered By Death II

I saw a girl by the old spooky well

Wiping tears which she made small

Death took her sickly mother away

And taught her to be so her whole life onwards


I saw a lady weeping by the moonlight

The man she loved whole-heartedly was snatched from her

By death, in the most gruesome way

And her tears never stopped coming ever since


I saw a woman screamed in pain

Hugging a cold body she loved enormously

Death was sent as a relief to her father figure

A figure who was always by her side, a rejected lonely child

She accepted death's unbearable decision  with screams that never quiet


I saw a person

I saw myself

A lady 

A child

Battered by death, physical death that render her lifeless